Perennial struggles

Found this old journal entry from July 16, 2005 (?) this a.m. I publish it here so that I can learn something from it.

Fluctuating winds buffet my soul so that I can not tell what prevails. One moment it feels as though I must find answers for this set of questions, the next moment I can't remember what questions there were, only they are replaced by another set of thoughts. I'm not sure there is any value in talking about the various thoughts I have. If they don't get dealt with there is plenty of service to do that will carry me through. But even that is a topic which could be discussed--service v. communion or rest--subjective rest--not objective rest. And do I struggle because I ignore the questions for no time or opportunity to work them out? I found myself weary of this South Florida world as we drove home & wish to leave it. But I know that in the face of that desire I need to just go to Jesus & hide in him, commune w/ Him. And that is why I opt to hear a good sermon tonight instead of dragging Cal, my husband, my pastor, down in my mud.