Grace, mercy, peace, and affection

Thursday evening
March 26, 2009

How I wish I could chronicle all the ins and outs and ups and downs of life here at Coyote Road.
Sitting at the table after dinner tonight, just waiting. Waiting for the good cheer that always follows. We often eat in silence, everyone so hungry. There will be the regular commendation of the cook (Kim) and agreement all round that the food is good.

God has given me much grace and love to serve up cheerfulness. And I believe that it is catching. He has also given me wisdom to hold back a bit so that it doesn't oppress. I'm learning to sit quietly and be a guest. Or the youngest sister. Or the new kid on the block. Yet, they are gracefully appreciating my ability to sense and meet a need, like hopping up to get toast which makes the right addition to a skimpy breakfast, or to turn up the thermostat and grab a blanket if Aunt Gloria feels cold. Or to wink at the person who is turning to me in exasperation over the other one. I have studied them and their ways and God gives grace to include me here. I believe that the cheer has not always been here. But I do believe I am seeing the fruit of the presence of the glory of God through His humble servant. I am thrilled to be reading the Word to them at one meal or other each day. No longer am I trying to load them with all that Cal and I read together in front of Kim. But I am finding some lovely piece each day, and sometimes finding it possible to comment on it.

I believe they are used to me now. And used to someone else in the home. I more easily trust that Kilby's transition in will be smoother than I feared.

Today an elderly lady from their church stopped by to visit them. I believe it must have been charity, because they didn't know each other hardly at all. This elegant old Texan (who moved to Prescott the year I was born!) was quite a sad one. I'm not sure who was getting more out of this visit. It was interesting to watch my hosts listen and relate and try to comfort this widow, who though proper and charming spoke on the verge of tears about struggling with depression. And then I made the mistake? of asking her if her husband was still alive. She detailed a most pathetic story about the end of his life after a debilitating stroke. And then about her divorced children. And then about her granddaughter whose husband just lost his job in Indiana and had to cancel phone service to make ends meet. But we did have opportunity, this woman and I, to speak of God providing and to speak of being thankful instead of complaining. And it brought out some good thoughts in Gloria.

The social worker came today. It changed my views on social workers. He was kind and knowledgeable and helpful and wise. We had a chance to talk while the CNA who came early bathed Gloria and Kim was out walking Sam. The timing on that was a great blessing and a relief. And then when Gloria came out, I excused myself so that he could talk to her without my hovering presence. He left after he had covered all he came to cover, finishing with a very good lesson on forgiveness.

Kim and I are fast friends. She's asked to take me out to lunch before I leave. We hold hands when we take walks, or even just get the mail which she's come to trust me with combing through so that Gloria doesn't get financial things she can't handle anymore. I offer to help in the kitchen, and usually prepare the salad and bread while she does the box mac n cheese or canned soup or her own new version of "homemade" spaghetti. She tells me what to put away after supper, but she never "lets" me help with cleanup. She gives me hugs good morning, and hugs good night if we think of it. She brings me an apple fritter when she's done delivering donuts to charities on Tuesday morning with her Lions friends. She sat on my bed today while the social worker was talking to Gloria, watching me practice different screen savers just to entertain her. At dinner she tried to describe it to her mom. I find easy ways of explaining things too hard for either of them, and the explanations come fast; to me, another sign of grace.

Tomorrow I won't join them for breakfast as they took my news that I'd been invited out to swim at 6:45 a.m. in stride. The activity has been changed to a trail walk at 7:30 with coffee following, but they don't need that information. I am thankful for how well things are working presently. It bodes well for Kilby's mental health.

For you who have prayed for us, thank you. And please keep this dear family in your prayers. Perhaps over the days and weeks and months of God's grace in this home through whatever humble servants He places here, these women will come to know Him.